BOOK REVIEW: "A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity"

A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity
By Bill O’Reilly
Copyright 2008
Broadway Books
Autobiography
4 Bookmarks

Well, I will say that this book was a little surprising. Most people either love Bill O’Reilly or they hate him. And to be honest, I hadn’t really formed a solid opinion before reading his book. On his television show, I have always found him blunt and opinionated (not necessarily bad things in my book). And I have always appreciated his verbosity. I am a lover of words myself, so his “word of the day” always hits a soft spot for me.

I suppose I expected this book to be a political commentary, but it really wasn’t. It was an autobiography of O’Reilly’s upbringing and early experiences that shaped his opinions and made him the person that he is today. He sums up his early childhood by saying, “Life was simple: You want it—make it happen. Somebody bothers you; deal with it.” Could life really be that simple? O’Reilly spends a lot of time lauding the virtues of lifelong friends and detailing various exploits. He spent his formative years in various Catholic schools, and after reading this book I can definitely see how his religious background comes into play with his political alignments.

I found this book quite interesting, actually. Reading about the childhood of someone who was raised so vastly differently from me is always intriguing, but when reading about it in the context of the public persona of the adult Bill O’Reilly, it was quite eye-opening.

I don’t agree with O’Reilly on all his political opinions, but after reading this book, I do feel that even though he is a brash and straight-shooting individual, he comes at it with heart and soul. And that he is one of those people who means what he says and says what he means.

There were some very lighthearted parts of the book. My favorite, I think, being the chapter called “Mysteries of the Universe” where O’Reilly details items of pop culture that he just never “got”. Items such as the movie Love Story, rap star “Snoop Dog”, and the disappointing series finales of Seinfeld and The Sopranos. I found his pithy commentary on these cultural icons to be highly entertaining.

There was definitely a somewhat conservative overtone to the book, mostly due to the religious nature of O’Reilly’s upbringing, but other than that, the political commentary was very minimal. I thought it was a pretty good “story of my life” book and would recommend it to anyone who is willing to sit through “The O’Reilly Factor” on FoxNews.

COMMENTARY: Regret

I find “regret” to be fascinating. We, as members of the human race, all seem to view regret differently. I know people who wallow in sadness over past regrets. These are the people that cannot forgive themselves for choices that they’ve made and are constantly bringing up things from the past that cannot be changed. These tend, in my opinion, to be the pessimists of the world who don’t think the future is very bright. They spend so much time reliving past miseries that it is difficult to imagine anything better.

And then, at the opposite end of the spectrum, are the folks who proudly boast that they “don’t believe in regret”. What does that mean, anyway? I actually know several people who say this, and it is something I don’t fully understand (which, I suppose, is why I find it so fascinating).

What does it mean to “believe” in regret? Does that mean that you must solely focus on the things you’ve done (or not done) and let it hold you back? Or does it mean that you acknowledge those poor choices, learn from them, and try to do better the next time around?

Personally, I’m a follower of the second train of thought. I think if a person ignores regret, they are missing an opportunity for growth. And that’s not to say that I don’t think people ought to move forward, because obviously I do. But I think if we look at a choice that’s been made as something that really doesn’t matter, then we are being wasteful of a gift we’ve been given.

Regret can mean a lot of different things, really; contrition, disappointment, penitence, grief, remorse, etc. But really, it’s all about doing something or not doing something that affected your life (or someone else’s life) in a negative way. It’s been said that when you die, you will have more regret for the things you’ve not done than for the things you’ve done. I suppose I’ll have to wait until my deathbed to test that theory.

We’ve all been faced with a crossroad in life; that one decision that veered you to the left or right. You know, in your heart of hearts, that if you’d made a different choice at that pivotal moment, your life would be vastly different than it is today. Some people may regret that choice, some people may be oblivious to the fact that they even had a choice, and some people will be satisfied with the choice that they made. And sometimes the choice we’re faced with cannot have a perfect outcome; for instance, when you must choose from the lesser of two evils, as the saying goes. In that instance, regret must also come with a healthy dose of resignation.

Probably my biggest regret in life is not finishing college (*gulp* it’s hard to admit that publicly). But I was faced with one of those lesser of two evils choices years ago. Either give up college (for the time being), or move four states away from the man who is now my husband. I know it is a little cliché, but it is what it is. I’ve often said over the years that I would go back to college and “fix” that little regret, and I do regret that I haven’t done it yet. But, to be honest, I’m glad I have that regret, because I feel it there constantly niggling in the back of my mind and I KNOW that someday that regret is going to push me enough to actually do it. I feel as though if I were the kind of person who didn’t “believe” in regret, college would be the furthest thing from my mind. And that would be a shame, really.

I will admit that there are some regrets that are difficult to bear. The night my mother died, I forgot to tell her “goodnight” and “I love you” before I went to bed. In my memory, before that night I had religiously hugged her and told her goodnight and I love you every night previous to that. The regret that I was wrapped up in my own existence that particular day and forgot to say those precious words stays with me and reminds me often to tell my husband and daughter that I love them. And what if I didn’t have that regret? Would those words mean less to me? I think they would.

And what of the words that have been spoken that have caused people to cut themselves off from my life (another terrible thing to have to admit)? Do I regret those words? Well, I certainly regret the outcome, but again it is one of those lesser of two evils things. Do I say something that I feel absolutely must be said even though the consequence may be the end of a relationship? Or do I not say anything and wait for disaster to strike and be one of the people who stand around shaking their heads and saying, “I knew I should have said something,” or “I knew I should have done something”? A difficult choice to make and a regret that cannot be avoided no matter the way you go. As sad as the outcome is, I do not regret the words because they needed to be said and I can only hope that they were heard.

I will admit that there have been moments in my life when I have gotten wrapped up in regret and that sometimes it has been difficult to take a step back and look at things from an outside perspective. And, to be honest, I feel like those are instances where my regrets have held me back. By focusing too much emotional energy on something that is unchangeable, I allowed myself to stagnate for certain periods of time when I could have been moving forward and growing. And yes, I will ruefully admit that I identify more with the folks wallowing in their regret than the ones who don’t “believe”. But at the same time, I do acknowledge the damaging results that regret can cause if you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to learn and step past the regret. And the reality is that if I hadn’t gone through those difficult points in my life, I would not be the person that I am today.

On the flipside, it is a little ironic that sometimes there are things in life that you think you’ll regret and then you do them and you realize you don’t regret them at all. It’s all part of that growth. And I think it goes back to the idea that in life you will regret the things you haven’t done more than the things you have.

And I will say this: I don’t regret that I have regrets. I’m grateful to have learned from the mistakes I have made and feel I can move forward and be a better person for them.

So my question to you is: Do you believe in regret?

BOOK REVIEW: "The Everything Parent's Guide to Raising a Successful Child"

The Everything Parent’s Guide to Raising a Successful Child
By Denise D. Witmer
Copyright 2004
Adams Media Publishing
Self-Help
3 Bookmarks

Well, I have to say that it is kind of a difficult thing reviewing a book about parenting. Everyone has such different ideas about what makes a good parent. There were some really good suggestions in this book, but there were also some parts of the book where the author tells you what you need to do, but not really HOW to do it, which was a little frustrating.

One thing I liked about the book is that in each category, the suggestions are broken down by age group. One of the sections of the book deals with organizational skills in children. I followed one of the suggestions of this section and wrote lists for my daughter breaking down some her chores and routines to manageable tasks. It used to be very difficult getting her to clean her room, but we sat down together and wrote a list of all the different parts of cleaning her room (i.e., making her bed, putting stuffed animals on the top bunk, putting all the Littlest Pet Shop toys in their bin, putting all dirty clothes in the laundry basket, etc.), and now when she cleans her room, she can do each task one at a time without getting overwhelmed.

I definitely agreed with the section of the book that talked about modeling behavior for your children. The old “do as I say, not as I do,” does not ever work, which is why I have a huge pet peeve with parents who smoke or use foul language around their children. If children hear you say something inappropriate, you can be certain they will repeat it at the MOST inopportune time (and nobody likes a potty-mouthed kid). I also think it is important for parents to protect their children from being exposed to other people who speak inappropriately or do inappropriate activities around children.

One of the sections I had mixed feelings about was the section on Discipline. Basically, this section says to use Time Outs, Privileges/Rewards, and Natural/Logical Consequences over all other forms of discipline. I don’t know about you, but pretty much none of these work for my kid. When she was younger, the Time Out worked somewhat, but now the only thing that really works is “The Lecture”. She dreads that pretty much over anything else (except maybe the threat of a spanking which, of course, the book categorically disapproves of). Now, I’m probably going to get all sorts of comments from folks who think spanking is the WORST thing a parent could ever do to their child, but they have probably not been faced with a child who doesn’t care if every belonging she has is taken away, who doesn’t care if she’s not allowed to watch TV for a month, and who doesn’t care if she is forced to sit on the stairs for an hour. Sometimes, you just have to do what you have to do (by the way, before I had a child, I SWORE I would never spank….) Of course, it’s been eons since I’ve had to actually spank her—the threat apparently carries a huge amount of weight in a 7-year-old mind.

Anyway, enough about that. Some sections of the book that didn’t give enough information were the sections on forming good habits, practicing self-discipline and building your family’s strengths. None of these sections spelled out practical ways of accomplishing these tasks; it just said they were important.

But basically, I liked most of the suggestions the book had. I always want to know what I could be doing better as a parent. And finding better ways of doing things is always great.

Next up on the Parenting Book front? How to talk to your child about sex. Yikes. I don’t think I’m ready for that one quite yet.

BOOK REVIEW: "The Second Coming of Lucy Hatch"

The Second Coming of Lucy Hatch
By Marsha Moyer
Copyright 2002
William Morrow/ HarperCollins Publishers
Adult Fiction
4 Bookmarks

A woman who is not in love with her husband of 14 years (and never has been) is confronted by his death in a farming accident. Lucy Hatch must somehow move forward in this heart-filled tale of grief, love and new beginnings.

Moving back to her hometown after such a long time, Lucy must face her judgmental mother, deal with having no money, and finding out that she doesn’t really know who she is. She meets a man who she had known of in high school and finds herself falling in love for the first time. Everyone in town sets their tongues wagging at this little development, but Lucy takes it in stride. She takes a job at the local florist shop and starts getting her life back in order.

I enjoyed this book a lot. It was lighthearted, and yet it dealt with some very real life issues. Who am I? What do I want out of life? Who do I want to be? I think we all deal with those questions at one time or another, and this book was an interesting look at how to process those feelings.

My favorite part of the book was when Lucy finally allows herself to grieve her husband’s death. Even though she didn’t love him, losing him was still losing a part of herself. Her anguish at making that realization brought me to tears.

BOOK REVIEW: Children's Books

I am proud of my kid. She is in the top reading group in her 1st grade class and she reads really, really well. I attribute this to the fact that I started reading to her when she was just a few days old and I’ve read to her every day since then. When she was young, it was a story before every nap and bedtime. Now, it’s about 20 minutes of chapter books before bedtime at night (in addition to the time she is required to read herself for homework).

Over the years, I’ve read some really good children’s books (and some not so good ones). So I thought I’d tell you about my favorites.

There are some great board books out there (intended for the infant to toddler set). One of the first board books anyone gave us for my daughter was the book “Silly Sally” (by Audrey Wood). This is a lovely book filled with deliciously sing-sing rhymes and an alliterative character (alliteration, by the way, is my favorite rhetorical device). The book chronicles how “Silly Sally went to town, walking backwards, upside down". The artwork is entertaining for even the smallest children and the story is lots of fun.

My favorite bedtime book from when my daughter was small is, “Time for Bed” (by Mem Fox). All I have to do is hear the words, “It’s time for bed, little mouse, little mouse. Darkness is falling all over the house”, and I get all nostalgic for those great snuggly moments we had together.

The book “Guess How Much I Love You” (by Sam McBratney) created a very fun tradition in our family. The book goes through a competition between Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare of how much they love each other. “I love you as high as I can reach,” says one. “I love you right up to the moon,” says another. And so now my daughter and I will occasionally start a little competition of our own. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky,” is definitely a favorite.

Once my daughter came more to the age of awareness of her surroundings, we moved on to books for the 2-5 crowd. There are lots of books in this age group that help to teach young children values and help to strengthen their character. One of my favorites is “Webster, the Scaredy Spider,” (by Max Lucado). The beautiful computer-generated photos, and the path to Webster learning to be brave through God’s help, are a very fun read.

Another favorite for this age group is “Olivia” (by Ian Falconer). This is a wonderful book about a little girl and the stresses of her day-to-day existence. What to wear, a trip to the beach, the confusing art at the art museum, her cat and her little brother, are discussed in such a childlike tone that it is easy for your child to relate. The illustrations in this book are simple, and yet enough. I love at the end when Olivia’s mother tells her, “You know, you really wear me out. But I love you anyway.” And Olivia says, “I love you anyway too.”

It was about this age that we discovered the “Little Critter” books, by Mercer Mayer. This is a fantastic series of books about a little porcupine named “Little Critter” and his family. Over the years we collected at least 20 of these books because they are just so fun to read (for both child and parent!) One of my favorites in this series is called “Just Me in the Tub,” about Little Critter taking a bath. In this story Little Critter tells us all the steps to taking a bath, from running the water, pouring in the bubbles, washing, time to get out, etc. But what makes these books so much fun, is the illustrations. As Little Critter is telling us how important it is to carefully step out of the tub onto the bath map so he won’t splash water everywhere, you see in the illustration all the water that Little Critter already splashed everywhere from his game of pirates being caught in a terrible storm at sea. This series also features books that open up lines of discussion between parents and children. With titles like “Just a Trip to the Dentist,” “The New Baby,” “Just Lost,” “A Very Special Critter,” and “I Just Forgot,” these books make it easy to talk to your children about important things they face in their own lives. I highly, highly recommend owning at least a few of these books!

For the next age group (5-8), check out anything written by John Lithgow. My favorite is “Micawber,” a tale about a squirrel who discovers a talent for painting with his, er, tail. Lithgow’s books are magical for his use of rhyme and verbosity. Where else could you find the word “peregrination” in a children’s book? I also love his book "I'm A Manatee."

To help children learn how to tell time, try “The Grouchy Ladybug” (by Eric Carle). By far, my favorite of Eric Carle’s books.

Another fun book that all kids this age like is, “Skippyjon Jones” (by Judy Schachner). Just something intrinsically entertaining about saying that name 40 or 50 times!

My daughter is sort of a bat fanatic. She loves all things bat. So, of course, we have about 20 books dedicated to bats. My favorite being, “Bats at the Beach” (by Brian Lies). An ordinary group of bats takes a trip (at night, of course) to enjoy all the things the beach has to offer. From “bug-mallows” toasting "on slender sticks", to “sailing in the wing-boat races,” to wearing their “moon-tan lotion”, this is a clever take on what going to the beach would be like for nocturnal creatures.

As my daughter has gotten older, we’ve moved onto “I Can Read” books and a variety of chapter books. My favorites of the “I Can Read” books are the “Frog and Toad” series (by Arnold Lobel). Frog and Toad are best friends and are always getting into one scrape after another, but their friendship always pulls them through. These are fun to read to your children, and then once your child is learning to read, fun for them to read to you.

We are just beginning our foray into children’s chapter books. We have loved the “Little House” series (by Laura Ingalls Wilder), and are getting ready to start reading “The Secret Garden” (by Frances Hodgson Burnett). I can tell you right off that I do not particularly like the "Magic Treehouse" series (by Mary Pope Osborne). In my opinion, they are the same story written over and over and over in different locations. But for some reason, my daughter just LOVES these books.

Two other children’s books that I find to be highly overrated are “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom,” (by Bill Martin Jr. and Jon Archambault), and “Where the Wild Things Are” (by Maurice Sendak). Both are award-winning books that are really hyped in literary circles. I felt like there was basically no purpose or redeeming quality to the book “Where the Wild Things Are”. “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” is highly irritating to read and I just don't think it succeeds in it's intended goal of helping children learn the alphabet.

So there you have it, my favorite children’s books (and a few not-so-favorite). Now get out there and read to your kids!

BOOK REVIEW: "The Man from Stone Creek"

The Man from Stone Creek
By Linda Lael Miller
Harlequin Books S.A.
Copyright 2006
Adult Fiction
4 Bookmarks

I don’t usually get into “romance” novels very much, but I do love historical fiction. "The Man from Stone Creek" is a western pseudo-romance (you know, no graphic sex scenes) filled with gunslinging rangers and women of questionable character, as well as the upstanding members of the small town of Haven, Arizona.

Maddie Chancelor runs a small shop (as well as the post-office) and tries to keep her younger brother out of trouble. But when Sam O’Ballivan shows up in town as the new school teacher, both he and Maddie are taken by surprise with the attraction that develops between them. Sam, however, is hiding a secret. He’s really a lawman trying to take down a gang of thieves. And when things go south, Sam is forced to realize what’s really important to him and to his future.

The criminal aspect of the story is actually pretty interesting. I particularly liked the character of Vierra, a Mexican who comes across the border to try to help Sam capture the gang of thieves. There were some good twists and turns with that part of the plot.
I enjoyed the book, but thought there were a few avenues that could have been better explored. There were a lot of characters in the book that weren’t very likable and at the conclusion of the story that fact really stood out to me. But all in all, I was glad I read it. And I might read something else by this author again in the future.

BOOK REVIEW: "Chocolate Beach"

Chocolate Beach
By Julie Carobini
Bethany House Publishers/Baker Publishing Group
Copyright 2007
Adult Fiction
3 Bookmarks

“Chocolate Beach” didn’t quite have that “can’t put it down” thing going for it, but it was still a fun read. Bri Stone, the funky, witty and cool main character thinks she has it all. But when things start happening that throw her life into a spin, she isn’t quite sure what to make of it. So she throws herself headlong into the changes that are coming her way (and she even creates a few changes of her own).

The descriptions of beach life in this book are entertaining and almost make you want to brave the hurricanes to experience what it’s like to be a beach bum. Bri has a carefree attitude in most areas of her life, including parenting, marriage and her job. But for any woman, thinking her husband is cheating on her can be devastating. Bri takes it in stride, however, and always keeps that “cool girl” attitude. One of my favorite parts of the book is when Bri imagines herself barging into her husband’s office “demanding to know where he was going yesterday with his too-thin, bleached-blond legal associate”, but she realizes doing that would be “just too daytime television.”

I would hate to call this a “frou-frou” book, but its close. Very light-hearted, easy read with some fun twists and turns.

BOOK REVIEW: "Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story"

Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story
By Lynn C. Tolson
1st Books Library Publishers
Copyright 2002, 2003
Biographical Memoir
4 Bookmarks

This is the memoir of Lynn Tolson. Her journey begins with the reliving of a terrifying suicide attempt. And why? Why would this young woman want to end her life? That is the question. And so Lynn carries you through her story, from the molestation she endured as a child, the emotional abuse in her household, the mental illness of a parent, a teenage rape she suffered, the adults around her that didn’t believe her, and the mind-numbing drug use that she experienced in the years leading up to this attempt to end it all.

This story is one of survival. As you read through the things she has experienced, the reader begins to understand why Lynn tried to kill herself, why she didn’t think life was worth living. Lynn endured unimaginable suffering in her life and in her own mind. The book relives her feelings of inadequacy and fear. You learn, through the course of the story, that Lynn escaped the pain she was suffering by turning to drugs. The drugs, in turn, took away her will to live. It was a vicious cycle of pain.

Then one day, everything changed. Lynn met a woman who changed her life. A therapist who told her it was going to be okay. Who told her she was worth it. Who told her she could do something more with her life. And then, slowly, slowly Lynn finds her way out of the hole she’s been in for so, so long. A victory against her childhood. A victory against those that assaulted her. A victory to champion hope for anyone else who has ever suffered in the way that she suffered.

This book was emotionally difficult to read at times. You just wanted to reach into the pages and hug this young woman and tell her it was going to be okay. But it is an important book because it brings to light things that happen to young women all the time. And if we talk about it, maybe the next young woman this happens to will find an advocate, someone who will believe her story and help her find safety before she sinks into a place where she feels the only option is death.