COMMENTARY: Give Thanks...Out Loud

10 Reasons to Share Your

Thanks over Thanksgiving Dinner

This year, instead of spending time worrying about the upcoming family brawl, the afternoon football games, or arguing about who had the best float at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, consider starting a new Thanksgiving tradition.  Whether you are dining at home with your family of four, enjoying an enormous potluck with 42 relatives at the neighborhood church, or simply having a solitary meal on this day, consider taking a moment to contemplate the good things in life for which you are thankful.  And then say them out loud.

Here are 10 reasons to share what you’re thankful for over Thanksgiving dinner:

1. It’s THANKSgiving.  Yes, I know the holiday is supposed to be about some pilgrims and stuff, but the reality is, sometimes we need to be reminded to be thankful for what we have.  And if anyone needs a reminder to do it, this is the day!

2. Make it more than just about the food.  I love to eat as much as the next person, but it can be uncomfortable for some people when a holiday is so focused on food, particularly if they are on any kind of a restricted diet.  It’s nice to have something to look forward to other than just the turkey. 

3. Practice makes perfect.  Saying thank you takes practice.  Sometimes a LOT of practice.  Thanksgiving is a great opportunity to practice being appreciative of the things we have.  And maybe, just maybe, it will help us remember to say thank you during the rest of the year. 

4. Focus on the positive. It’s easy to get bogged down with the negativity of life.  Spending too much energy worrying about the bad stuff happening, either in our small world or in the larger world around us, is a real downer.  Too often, we get sucked into focusing on disappointments and anger and fear, and we forget to appreciate the love and laughter and security we have.  Saying what we are thankful for out loud helps to refocus our energy on the positive in our life instead of the bad.  Remember the phrase “What you focus on expands”.

5. Don’t take the little things for granted.  Wow, can you believe how much we take for granted in society today?  We have a roof over our heads, clothing to wear, food to eat, clean water to drink, and so much more!  Sometimes we forget that there are many people in other parts of the world who have none of those things.  We expect to have those things; it’s not even a question.  Giving ourselves a moment to stop and think about what we are thankful for might just remind us to appreciate the barest necessities of life that we do tend to take for granted.

6. Go a little deeper. We certainly live in a ME-ME-ME world.  With the “look at me” selfies, the “look how clever I am” status updates, and the “look how popular I am” friend lists, we tend to get (and give) instant gratification for doing, saying or photographing something noteworthy.  I love a funny meme as much as the next gal, but when was the last time you really sat down and thought about what you find enjoyable or entertaining?  Taking a few moments before this holiday meal to really think about what you are glad to have in your life will take you just a few steps deeper into yourself than your usual daily LOL or ROFLMAO.

7. Make someone else feel good.  Okay, I’m going to admit something a bit uncomfortable here.  I am a bit of a narcissist (aren’t we all, really?)  I love being told that I’m loved.  And I love being told that someone is grateful to have me in their life.  Taking the time to give appreciation for a person you care about is time VERY well spent (even if it means the turkey might be getting cold). 

8. Create some memories.  One of my favorites was when my daughter’s pre-school teacher told me they had asked the children what they were most thankful for.  My daughter’s response?  “Mom’s homemade pizza”.  The teacher thought it was funny and shared it with me.  It made my day then, and even now it makes me smile. 

9. Let those sharing this day get to know you better.  Many people really just keep to themselves and are difficult to get to know.  Using this opportunity to share something that we are personally appreciative of allows those sharing this day get to know us just a little bit better.  And it lets us get to know them a bit better, as well.

10. Because it feels good!  Yes, it’s true.  Saying out loud what you appreciate makes you feel GOOD.  Take advantage of this once-a-year opportunity to feed your soul, allow yourself to be surrounded by peace, and just appreciate the poetry that IS gratitude.

COMMENTARY: "Life Rules"

Everyone needs a good set of rules.  Sometimes one rule will do.  Sometimes three is enough.  Sometimes you just need one more.  

There are all kinds of rules in life.  Rules set by society, by religion, by parents or by other authority figures.  Or we set rules for ourselves.  Rules to help us succeed.  Rules to help us survive.  Rules to guide us through difficult times.  Rules to protect us from ourselves…or protect us from others. 

Some people follow the rules.  And some people bend and break them.  Some people ignore them altogether and live as if there are no rules in the first place. 

Me?  I am a rule follower.  Although I may have bent a rule or two in my day, breaking rules has not been a habit of mine.  I’m generally of the opinion that if everyone just followed the rules, the world would be a better place (although, I suppose, it does depend on who makes the rules).  

Most of the time, I find it perfectly acceptable for someone else to make a rule and then I’ll follow it.  It’s not that I don’t like to think for myself; but, rather, that I prefer to have a structured list of what is expected of me so that I know how to judge whether or not I have been successful.  If no one else tells me what I ought to do, I create my own internal list of expectations and use that to determine the quality of my achievement.  I believe many of us create such “life rules”.  

Some “life rules” are easy:  “Compliment one person every day.”  “Always say please and thank you.”  “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.”

Others are tougher:  “Forgive.”  “Apologize.”  “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

And some rules are so nebulous that I can’t even begin to wrap my head around them:  “Be happy.”  “Don’t hold everything inside.”  “Allow yourself to feel.”  

Without rules, life is chaos.  Sometimes you just need one more rule, a guidepost, a line you know you won’t cross, a promise to be a better person for those who love you.   

Because without such “life rules”, all we are doing is just surviving each day with no way of knowing if what we are doing means anything at all. 

COMMENTARY: "Live"

How easy it is to get wrapped up in life and forget to live.  We wake each day with a To-Do list charging its way into our still-foggy mind.  We shower, we dress, we eat, we gather what we need and head out into the world.  We forget to center ourselves. We forget to read. We forget to write. We forget to dream.  We check three items off the To-Do list, only to add five more. 

We sleep.  We wake.  We work.  We eat.  We drop our child off at school and pick her up.  We do paperwork.  We do homework.  We pay bills.  We file taxes.  We rotate the tires on the car.  We go to the doctor.  We go to the store.  We go go go. 

What happened to time?  I remember as a child feeling that time went by ever so slowly.  It seemed as if the weekend would never arrive.  And now, we merely blink and an entire year has passed…or perhaps three.  There is good here.  And there is bad. There are smiles and there is fun.  And there is stress and sadness and an emptiness that will always be.  And these things just swirl together in a cosmic race to get….somewhere. 

But every once in a while

We stop.

We breathe.

We look around and see the beauty of the world.  We enjoy something delicious.  Like a nap.  Or a memory.  Or a slice of pizza so good it makes us moan.  We soak in a hot tub. We laugh with Sheldon and Leonard.  We dance.  We drink wine.  We talk about things.  We do things.  We feel things. 

We live.



 

COMMENTARY: Delays, delays, delays......

I know you haven't heard from me in awhile.  No, I didn't drop off the planet.  I don't even have the excuse that life is busier than usual.  The reality is that I am reading a SUPER LONG book (1108 pages, to be exact).  I am hoping to finish the book next week (review will be forthcoming, of course).  I may have been referred to as a "bookworm" a time or two in my life but this is ridiculous! 

In the meantime, and in the interest of absolutely shameless self-promotion, if you need something to keep your reading mind busy and want to take a peak into my "other" life, check out my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/BookOfHouses.

And I PROMISE!  I will be back here before you know it with a review worth waiting for.

COMMENTARY: "Uncertainty"

Uncertainty. A word those of us in the real estate industry are beginning to know well.

Now heading into our sixth year of market depreciation, we do know some things are certain. It is certain that sellers will be unhappy about how much their home is worth today. It is certain that buyers will try to squeeze blood from a stone by continuing to write low-ball offers on homes that are already scraping the bottom on value. And it is certain that the economists will continue to prognosticate a market recovery…. or another market downturn… or a continuation of the status quo…. How’s that for certainty?
  

But here’s another thing that’s certain. People need a place to live. And the fact is, due to the lowest interest rates in decades and housing prices comparable to those in 1971, the cheapest way to live today is to own your own house.

With some buyers able to qualify for loans below the 4% mark, mortgage money is as close to free as it’s ever going to be. Add to that the sharp increase in rental prices (due to such high demand in the rental market) and you can be just about sure it is less expensive to own than to rent.

While I always advise caution when it comes to spending any large sum of cash, I am confident owning a home is still the right thing today. Here are some great reasons to own a home:

1. Save on taxes. Deductions for mortgage interest, property taxes and some closing costs on a new loan.

2. Pride of Ownership. There’s just something to be said for having this great place that is truly YOURS.

3. Freedom. What landlord is going to let you paint the bedroom Lilac Purple when your daughter just HAS to have that color? Being able to put your style and personality into a home is half the fun!

4. You’ll Live in a Better Place. In most communities, rental properties that are in tip-top condition are hard to come by and they come at a steep price. Buying a house and fixing it up to perfection guarantees you’ll always live in the castle you dreamed of.

5. Forced Savings. Instead of throwing away $2000/month on rent, you can count on some of that mortgage payment actually paying down what you owe. In 30 “short” years, if you don’t refinance, your home will be “free and clear”. Oh how I am looking forward to that day!

6. Stability. Living in one home, in one neighborhood, for a long period of time allows you to meet your neighbors, get to know the neighborhood haunts, and truly find comfort in your surroundings. Switching apartments every 12 months just isn’t all that appealing.

7. Sooner or Later This Mess Will End. And when it does, when the real estate machine starts appreciating again, those who bought during this slippery time at (what we hope is) the bottom will be so glad that they did. Of that, I am certain.

COMMENTARY: Angst and Poetry

I have a fascination with a certain emotion I have often referred to as “angst”. I realize I am not quite using the term correctly, as angst is technically defined as “a feeling of dread, anxiety or anguish”. What I mean when I say angst is more accurately described as some sense of emotional anguish related to darkness, sadness and loves lost or love unreturned.

So now that you know what I mean when I say angst, here are my two cents.

I love reading an entirely angst-ridden story with lots of anguished, unrequited love and painful near-misses, losses and sadness. Nicholas Sparks is the king of this genre of fiction. You’ve seen The Notebook, right? Some of his other notable selections include Message in a Bottle, The Wedding, and Dear John (reviewed here).

When I was a teenager, I was the queen of angst-ridden poetry. I wrote such titles as “The Crier”, “The Pain of Love” and “The Empty Kiss”. I look back on those now and just chuckle. How naïve we are as we walk through those puppy-love years and think every little loss is the end of the world. Some kids aren’t so lucky and do have to deal with real gut-wrenching losses during those formative years (I know this from watching my younger siblings grow up without our mother). But I was lucky and the worst thing that happened to me during those angsty, pre-teen and teen years was having a few boys who didn’t like me nearly so much as I liked them. It was easy for me to feel like that was the end of the world, of course.

My grandfather had instilled a love of poetry in me when I was young. He gave me an old copy of “101 Famous Poems” (copyright 1929) that had been given to him second-hand in 1946. Both the inscription from “Mr. & Mrs. Gustuvke” from 1946 and the inscription from my grandfather in 1985 are still quite visible inside the front cover. This book is one of my most treasured possessions. It contains such greats as “Trees” by Sergeant Joyce Kilmer (“I think that I shall never see/A poem as lovely as a tree”), “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley (“Out of the night that covers me/Black as the Pit from pole to pole/I thank whatever gods may be/For my unconquerable soul”), and “In Flanders Fields” by Lieut.-Col. John McCrae (“In Flanders fields the poppies blow/Between the crosses, row on row”). Some of my favorites.

Having the poetic guidance of that book led me to write many an angst-ridden poem, which was a great outlet during my hormone-laden teen years.

Here’s a little sample:

I wept for you,
And at some distant point
I know why

But for now
The sobs are enough

And the tears fall
And the memories fade
And the pain is strong

But at some distant point
There is sunshine

Hmm……something about reading through those old poems makes me feel a little nostalgic. Perhaps the reason I like books of angst-ridden, unrequited love now is because it reminds me of those times when I was actively stimulating my creative mind on a regular basis by writing. I haven’t written poetry in many, many years. Instead, I’m sure I will continue to fill that little spot in my soul by reading those novels about heart-rending, unrequited love and anguish. Or maybe one of these days I’ll dust off my writing pen and see what I can come up with.

(Painting is a portion of The Scream by Edvard Munch, one of my all-time favorite paintings, for obvious reasons.)

COMMENTARY: "2012--Here We Come!"

Well, 2011 has drawn to a close…..finally! It’s been a rough year with health issues, surgeries, family concerns, work stress, school stress and everything in between, but I survived. And I’m now looking forward to the new adventures coming in 2012.

There’s something rather cathartic about these New Beginnings we are lucky enough to experience on the first day of January every year; a fresh start, a clean slate, a renewal of life. There are times when the day-to-day stresses are so overwhelming that they smother any ability to see the big picture of life. These New Beginnings are, in a way, an apology from life for the crap we’ve had to deal with every day. Sometimes just being able to take a deep breath and let go of the tough times and the sad times and the mistakes we’ve made is a necessary step in moving forward and progressing as human beings.

If there were no clean slates, we would be constantly bogged down by those negative experiences and life would surely become an extremely unpleasant undertaking.

I did two small activities this year that made me realize just how stuck I’ve been in that negative mindset. First, every day during the month of November, I posted on my Facebook status something I’m thankful for. You’d think that would be a pretty easy task, but it was not. There were days I really had to reach into the depths of my brain to find something “good” to say. I realized that forcing myself to see the good in life when I sure didn’t think there was any actually did make the day better. So, in December, I decided to keep the good thoughts coming and I posted one of my “favorite things” every day. Those days when I felt stumped trying to think of something to say made me realize I need to have more favorite things in my life.

But really, the thing that made it so apparently obvious that I need to be more positive, was a gift my daughter gave me for Christmas. She called it an “Optimism Box”. In reality, it was just a simple Kleenex box on which she had written in marker a message on each side: “If you are stressed, just be optimistic”, “Sometimes it’s good to be optimistic”, “Don’t worry, be optimistic”. On top she had written “The Optimism Eater” and inside the box she had several little notes including “If black cats were bad luck…I wouldn’t be alive. So proves they are not!” and my favorite: “Bear hugs are good….just not from a bear.” (Okay, so she may not have the exact definition of optimism down, but I got her point). Opening that gift, I laughed until I cried. Partially from overwhelming love at my sweet little kid who noticed I had a tough time this year and was trying to make things better. And partially from sadness that my sweet little kid was obviously affected by my reactions to life.

So as 2012 peaks his squeaky clean little head around the corner, I will be making a concerted effort to bring the positive around me. To show my little mini-me that life is good and that happiness is free. So if you catch me being a complainer this year, just give me a smile and quick reminder, “Don’t worry, be optimistic!”

COMMENTARY: Real Estate Could Get a Whole Lot Uglier....Again

Ouch. This is not good.

Every once in awhile something comes up in my "real" life that, frankly, kind of sucks. Right now is one of those times. My "real" life is Real Estate. That's what I do. Helping buyers and sellers buy and sell their homes.

And right now, federal regulators are trying to make that part of my life a whole lot uglier.

Congress recently created the Qualified Residential Mortgage rule (abbreviated QRM), to take affect this year. This regulation was intended to protect lenders and borrowers from the risky lending practices of a few years ago that have led to this debacle of Foreclosures and Short Sales. There are provisions in this rule that federal regulators are now very narrowly defining as requiring borrowers to put down a MINIMUM of 20% when purchasing a new home, or requiring hefty fees and significantly higher interest rates for those loans.

Now I don't know about you, but so far in my "young" life I haven't had 20% to put down on a home purchase. That's a big chunk of change! Not that there aren't buyers out there who can do that; it's just that there aren't very many. Honestly, not very many at all.

I think we all agree that there was some pretty irresponsible lending going on there for a few years. But the reality is that many of us responsible buyers also bought homes during that same period of time and very few of us put 20% down. I make my mortgage payment every month (have never even been late on it, thank you very much!), but if I had to put 20% down on my next house, it would be an awfully long time before I'd be able to do that (according to statistics from the National Association of Realtors, it would take the average person 14 years to save up that much for a downpayment).

Congress never intended this regulation to be so narrowly defined and the National Association of Realtors is asking Congress to press federal regulators to include an exemption in the QRM to allow for traditional loan programs similar to the loans available today; well-underwritten products such as 30-, 15- and 10-year fixed loans with from 5% to 20% down to include Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI).

Of course this is important to me because of my livelihood, but it is important to YOU because you own a home! If you were to try to sell your home in a marketplace where buyers were only allowed to buy if they had 20% down, how much do you think your house would be worth? Unfortunately, supply and demand is real. If there are 5000 homes on the market and 5000 buyers, housing prices are stable. If there are 5000 homes on the market and 50 buyers, prices will plummet. And boy, do I mean plummet.

Please call or email your Congressperson, Senator and anyone else you can think of TODAY to let them know you want mortgage loans to stay affordable!

Look up your Congressperson and Senator by clicking here, then enter your zipcode: http://www.contactingthecongress.org/.

Call or email them today. Tell them to protect America from the QRM. Tell them to keep mortgage loans affordable for qualified home buyers. Tell them America cannot afford another housing crisis.

Anyone who owns a home -- or merely wants to own one someday -- is going to be affected by the outcome of this. Please take the time to make the call.

COMMENTARY: "Going Home"

There’s something so surreal about going home. I don’t mean going home from work at the end of the day. I mean going back to the place you spent your childhood: the “old” home. A few weeks ago, I did just that.

Technically speaking, the home I grew up in no longer exists. My dad built a house that the family moved into less than a year before I moved out for good. He still lives in that house, but the actual home that held most of my childhood memories is no more. Which, believe me, is a good thing.

So when I say “home” I really mean the small town in southern Idaho where I grew up. The town with two stoplights (although I do remember a time when there was only one). The town that boasted no chain restaurants during most of my childhood (I’m glad that Subway has finally found a home there, though). And the town with the hometown newspaper where I learned how to work for a living.

(And technically-speaking yet again, I’m not really from that town. Rather, I’m from a small farming community eight or ten miles from that town, but since it was the nearest outpost of civilization, in my mind, that town is “home” by default.)

It still shocks me sometimes how it is that I lived for the first 19 years of my life with no big-city amenities. Frankly, I like that I can walk from the house I live in now to the grocery store, the ice cream parlor and the city library. I like that I can go to the movies at the drop of a hat without having to plan for the 30-minute drive to the theater the next town over. I like that if my house caught on fire while I was out of town, my neighbors live close enough to see the smoke and call the police.

The reality, though, is that when I’m in that little town, it isn’t the amenities that come to mind; it’s the memories. Memories of a different time. Driving through this little town brings back those moments that I spent with the people who were so important to me at the time. Some of those memories are happy and some are sad, but either way, they’re unavoidable.

Wait. Let me back up. Maybe that’s too simplistic a view.

I’ve contemplated over the years why I become so weird whenever I visit “home”. It’s like I become a totally different person: emotionally insecure, scared, submissive. Being around my family, my old haunts, passing by the houses of people I knew so well but now haven’t spoken to in many a year…it can be somewhat disconcerting. I think I somehow forget that I’m an adult and I live in a different world now, with different friends, different relationships. But somehow, just being there, I get sucked into the nostalgia of it all. When I’m driving through that little town, I can remember vividly the trepidation I felt when I started 9th grade at the junior high school…my first day of school after eight years of homeschooling. I can remember my heart pounding with fear while walking through that cemetery in the middle of the night searching for a certain headstone. I can remember exactly how I felt the first time a boyfriend broke up with me, the moment I found out my best friend had been in a terrible car accident, or the year and a half I spent watching my mother die of cancer. Those moments in my memory give everything a sense of the surreal when I’m “back home”.

In real life, those pains are easier to forget, the memories fade into obscurity. But when I “go home”, they seem more immediate, more apparent. Those that I’ve lost, whether by death or by distance, become people to grieve again. Events that occurred, choices that were made…those things become painfully immediate in my psyche again. And so, it seems, for a short period of time during my visit, I become that same scared little girl I was when I lived there.

They joke here in Colorado that because there are so few people who live here who were actually born here, you can call yourself a native after you’ve lived here 10 years. I like the idea of that. Kind of like an adopted hometown.

So while I enjoyed visiting with the family that I only get to see once a year and doing the other things that I can only experience in that little town in southern Idaho, I am grateful to now be “back home” to my real home; the only home I now truly call home.

COMMENTARY: Grief and Sadness

Sad things happen on my birthday. 15 years ago, my mother died. 10 years ago, my first baby died. Those are the two major events, but not the only ones. I don’t tell you this to make you feel sorry for me. I do not want nor need your sympathy.

I suppose I just need an outlet for the grief that remains behind. And so, every year I take a few minutes on that day to reflect on that grief and sadness. A few minutes spent one day a year alone with the memories of what used to be and what might have been. I don’t know if this is a healthy way of handling it or not, but so far relegating my grief to one specific day has worked for me. And since God (with his inimitable sense of humor) has granted most of these grievous events to occur on that day, He makes it easy.

Grief has a funny way of changing a person, making her look at life differently, to appreciate things in ways she may not have before. I may be sad, but I am stronger for the pain. I am more aware of the world around me. I know that I am alive, that I am breathing air. There is nothing worse than being numb, deadened by the inability to accept the terrible things that life throws at us. Not knowing which way is up or down. The grief process is simple: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Each of us works our way through these stages in different ways. It’s been many years, and I have long been in the “Acceptance” phase, but that does not mean that I don’t still feel the pain. Because I do.

One of the worst things that happens when someone you love dies, is not being able to say goodbye. People talk about whether it’s better to know they’re going to die so you can have the chance to say goodbye, or if it’s better to not know ahead of time so you don’t have to dread it happening. Personally, when the Big Guy in Charge decides we don’t get a chance to say goodbye, I think it’s just... unnecessarily cruel. How good it would be if only we were able to say those final words, to say “I will love you always”, or “I’m so very, very sorry”, or whatever else needs to be said in order to truly have closure, instead of the regret of not being able to say a word.

Sometimes in the dark moments of grief, when all our hope is gone, we need to try to find something to hold on to. Saying goodbye is painful at best. Knowing it will be the last goodbye is heart-rending. Knowing you don’t get to say goodbye is...tragic. Having a goodbye to hold on to is worth the world.

But sometimes He decides for us. It is out of our control. Of course, if God were as omnipotent as religious folks will tell you, couldn't He just break the rules of the universe to allow that one last goodbye?

Death is cruel. The finality of it is almost incomprehensible. I wish it was easy to let go of the sorrow and pain. But it simply isn’t. And yet somehow we must take a deep breath and move forward with our lives. We hope the crutch of grief will get smaller and smaller each day, and it does to an extent. It just takes a long, long time. And it never truly goes away. So I give myself this day to cry, for all of us who have lost someone--mothers, fathers, children, a soulmate or best friend. Their losses are unquantifiable. And so I will spend my few minutes alone today, thinking of what I have lost.

COMMENTARY: Frankie Say Relax

I hate the word "uptight". Especially when it's used to describe me. I don't generally consider myself to be uptight. I'm just "driven", "steady", "assertive", and "cautious". And, okay, maybe a little bit OCD.

I admit it. I like everything to fit. I like all the pieces of the puzzle to be in place. I'm a woman with a plan and I'm not afraid to use it!

Nothing can cause me to go into a panic quite so much as someone calling and wanting to (*gasp*) "go do something" at the last minute. I eat the same thing for lunch nearly every day simply because I don't want the pressure of deciding on something new. Spontaneity and I don't get along so well. Patheti-sad, I know. But I am what I am and I'm kind of used to it.

The problem that I'm finding with this is that life can't be planned. At least not to the level I want it to be.

First of all, I'm a parent. Having a child forces one to accept the reality that life goes where it wants to go. The constant bouncing around of reality when you have a child always throws me for a loop. I go left, she goes right. I stop short and she keeps right on trucking. She's like the Energizer Bunny and I find that sometimes I just can't keep up. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Add to that a high-stress career, adorning myself with the moniker of "student", keeping my "happily married" status firmly in place, and attempting to keep a tight grip on household management, well....it's a recipe for rigidity. To keep all the cogs in this wheel running smoothly, I write a To-Do list, but then I end up only accomplishing 3 of the 10 things on it. So the remaining 7 get bumped to the next day and add to the challenges of THAT day. I try to remember that's "just life", to "take it as it comes", and "it is what it is. But it's hard to do that for a person who is so upti....I mean, "steady and cautious".

Result? STRESS. So what's a girl to do?

Frankie says RELAX. But that's easier said than done for someone of my fortitude (or lack thereof). I'd like to think I give a valiant effort at doing what a person is supposed to do in this situation. Yoga. Meditation. Deep breathing. I also have been known to drop a few bucks for a good massage (love Kyle!) But it's not enough. How can I just find that moment of peace that I need? That break from this vicious cycle of stress?

When I was a teenager, my mother used to tell me to "chill". I used to get so angry that she would use such a cliched phrase to try to get me to think something earth-shattering in my life was less than important. But maybe she was onto something. Maybe all these things that are earth-shattering in my mind really aren't? I'm pretty sure my dear husband would agree. Sometimes I wonder how he puts up with my constant elevating of all things to a Code Red level of urgency and catastrophe.

A wise man once told me, "It isn't brain surgery. No one is going to die if this gets screwed up." But for some reason, I have a hard time taking that to heart.

I want to let go of the stress. I want to just relax. I don't want to feel like the outcome of a particular action of mine is going to result in a nuclear holocaust. I don't want to feel like I have to picture the poor guy who has his brain splayed open on a surgical table just to make myself feel better.

So instead, I do the best I can. I plan to my little heart's content. I take frequent deep breaths. I take a ME vacation away from it all. I have luxurious hours with my buddy Kyle's hands. And I occasionally throw in a glass or two of wine. And I take that little word "uptight" and throw it down on the floor in front of me and give it a good stomping. Whew! Now I can relax.

COMMENTARY: Health Care Reform

You may be a compassionate person. You may worry about those less fortunate than yourselves who don’t have health insurance. Or you may worry about the fact that YOU don’t have health insurance. If either is the case, there are some things you need to know NOW about the Health Care Reform Bill.

Here are the main hits:
1. The bill is going to be up for a final vote in the Senate on Thursday, Christmas Eve, at 7 a.m. Eastern Time.
2. There is no accurate estimate of how much this bill is going to cost the American public. That means YOU and me. Would you ever agree to buy something without knowing first what it cost? The worst estimates indicate the bill could add as much as one TRILLION dollars to the budget deficit. That is $1,000,000,000,000, in case you were wondering.
3. Several Senators have been bribed to vote for this bill with special “deals” they’ve been given for their states. This includes an additional $100 million in Medicaid payouts for constituents in the state of Nebraska, and $300 million in additional aid for Louisiana. Do you think that a bill that required bribery to get the votes is going to be a “good” bill?
4. The Senate bill allows taxpayer money (read “YOUR money and MY money”) to be used to fund abortions. Whether you are pro-choice or pro-life, it doesn’t matter. Not blocking public funding for abortions is a travesty.
5. The provision in the bill that most closely resembles a “public option” is called the Class Act. To summarize, the Class Act is basically long-term health care insurance being offered by the federal government to all Americans. Then people like you and me sign up for it. But here’s the kicker. We pay premiums to the government for five years WITHOUT ANY BENEFITS. The government will use this money to fund other portions of the health care bill, then when they have to begin providing benefits to those of us dumb enough to have signed up for this program, it will go bankrupt. But instead of allowing it go bankrupt, of course the federal government will come in to “save” it (because, of course by then it will have become an entitlement), which is going to result in an ENORMOUS tax increase for all Americans, regardless of your income.
6. With the Senate bill, ALL residents of the United States will be REQUIRED to purchase health insurance. If you do not purchase health insurance, you will be the lucky recipient of a tax penalty of an amount up to 2% of your household gross income (or $750 per person, whichever amount is greater).
7. New regulations and restrictions are going to be imposed on all insurance companies currently doing business in the United States. So if you like your health insurance now, don’t be surprised when your premiums go up and your benefits go down.
8. Business owners with at least 50 employees who do not offer health insurance as a benefit will be taxed $750 PER EMPLOYEE per year. This will result in a loss of jobs, lower wages paid, and businesses going bankrupt. If you are the lucky employee of a small company who just makes that 50 employee cut-off, but is struggling to get by, you can kiss your job goodbye.
9. The amount of contributions to a flexible spending medical account will be limited based on your income. What sense does this make?
10. The government expects to pay for this health care plan, in part, by cutting Medicare and Medicaid. Just as the baby boomers are coming into Medicare-qualifying age, the government thinks they can cut those costs? If the government actually does cut Medicare and Medicaid, it will be the most vulnerable of our citizens who are left out in the cold. This will result in an ENORMOUS loss of service to the senior citizens of this country, as well as the poverty stricken.
11. Due to the new restrictions and regulations, it is going to become harder to be a doctor. Not only that, but the payouts to the doctors for Medicare and Medicaid recipients will be even less than they are now. This is going to result in some doctors closing their doors altogether. And it will become nearly impossible to find a doctor who will take Medicare or Medicaid. No one can work for free.
12. Cost-sharing subsidies will be offered to those in low-income brackets. These subsidies will go toward purchasing health insurance (but there is no indication that these subsidies will be enough to cover the actual cost of purchasing health insurance).
13. If you do not have health insurance, in additional to the wonderful “fine” you get to pay, you will also no longer be able to deduct medical expenses on your itemized tax return unless your medical expenses are over 10% of your taxable income.
14. A $2.3 billion fee will be charged ANNUALLY to pharmaceutical companies. If you think your prescriptions are expensive now, you just wait!

COMMENTARY: "Away So Long....."

No, I did not fall off the face of the earth. No, I did not contract some terminal disease and die. No, I did not "quit" my blog. But I did start school. College, to be more precise. So here I am, working, going to school, being a mom, being a wife, running a household.....no wonder I haven't had any time to post anything! I have been reading (when I can) and have read some good books. I'll get the reviews on here as soon as I can, but I just wanted to take a moment to.....what....vent, maybe?

I knew it was going to be tough going back to school after nearly 15 years. I knew it was going to be taxing on my personal life, a challenge as relates to my work life, and generally-speaking, I did know things were going to be different. But I just didn't realize how much it was going to take out of me. I'm not 18 anymore (duh!) and these long hours are tough! I'm finally finding ways to manage my time more efficiently, but there are certain things that are definitely not getting as much attention as they used to (housework being number one on that list *sigh*).

I love school, though. I love that I'm back in school. It feels so good to be learning again. My number one goal in life was always to graduate from college. It may not seem like a big deal, especially now that I'm pretty well established in a career and probably won't be changing that, but it is a big deal. Neither of my parents, nor any of my siblings, graduated from college (most didn't even attend any college). My sister, Emily, however, has been a huge inspiration for me on this whole back-to-school thing. She is in nursing school (and working and being a mom herself) and she is doing awesome! She will be graduating long before I will and I'm so proud of her. But when she started, I kind of started looking at my own life and said, "if she can do it, so can I." And so here I am, starting back in college and doing what I always promised myself I would do.

My first two classes are Intermediate Algebra (a class I have already taken and HATE that I have to be taking again....*sigh*) and Geography, which is, in actuality, not really a geography class so much as a liberal geo-political commentary on the world. I chuckle and shake my head in this class on a frequent basis. But the thing that makes me chuckle the most at school are the "kids" I'm in class with. Especially the "guy" who comes to class in bare feet (because he "doesn't like shoes") and the kid who listens to his ipod so loudly during class that I can hear all the lyrics two rows away (seriously, when did that become acceptable in the classroom?) So I have fun with the people-watching as much as anything else.

It's good to be learning, though. It's good to be exercising those brain-muscles that have been atrophying for so long. It's good to be doing this thing!

COMMENTARY: Here Comes The Rain Again...

We are a little spoiled in Colorado Springs with our average of 300 days of sunshine per year. This year has been tough on us with day after day of clouds and rain. Our lawns our happy, and so are our water bills, but are we?

If I go too long without the sun, I start to feel groggy and depressed. The sun is a lifeline to…well…life, if you will. The bright sunshine in the morning helps us wake up. The warmth of the sun gives us comfort and a sense of fullness. The constant motion of the sun in the sky helps us track our progress for the day. The shadows tell us it’s time to hurry up because the end of the day is drawing near.

But when the clouds roll in and just stay and stay and stay, everything feels a little…off. It’s more difficult to get out of bed in the morning. It’s impossible to know what time it is without referring to some kind of electronic device. There’s no sense of movement or warmth.

How do the people of Seattle survive with their average 43 days of sunshine per year? I don’t know. Really. I don’t have a clue. I went to Seattle once. I was there for five days; no sunshine at all for five days. I was unbelievably ready to leave by the end of those very long five days (let me make myself clear….I was actually ready to leave BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY at that point).

There is a mood disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), related to the changing of seasons. People who have been diagnosed with this disorder become depressed most commonly during the winter (in fact, many people know the disorder by the name “winter blues”) and occasionally during other seasons of the year. Believe me, I can relate! There is something to be said for the healing power of the sun.

And yeah, I am grateful we are not in a drought and I am grateful my garden is getting lots of water; but really, can’t the sun just come out and play for awhile?

COMMENTARY: Regret

I find “regret” to be fascinating. We, as members of the human race, all seem to view regret differently. I know people who wallow in sadness over past regrets. These are the people that cannot forgive themselves for choices that they’ve made and are constantly bringing up things from the past that cannot be changed. These tend, in my opinion, to be the pessimists of the world who don’t think the future is very bright. They spend so much time reliving past miseries that it is difficult to imagine anything better.

And then, at the opposite end of the spectrum, are the folks who proudly boast that they “don’t believe in regret”. What does that mean, anyway? I actually know several people who say this, and it is something I don’t fully understand (which, I suppose, is why I find it so fascinating).

What does it mean to “believe” in regret? Does that mean that you must solely focus on the things you’ve done (or not done) and let it hold you back? Or does it mean that you acknowledge those poor choices, learn from them, and try to do better the next time around?

Personally, I’m a follower of the second train of thought. I think if a person ignores regret, they are missing an opportunity for growth. And that’s not to say that I don’t think people ought to move forward, because obviously I do. But I think if we look at a choice that’s been made as something that really doesn’t matter, then we are being wasteful of a gift we’ve been given.

Regret can mean a lot of different things, really; contrition, disappointment, penitence, grief, remorse, etc. But really, it’s all about doing something or not doing something that affected your life (or someone else’s life) in a negative way. It’s been said that when you die, you will have more regret for the things you’ve not done than for the things you’ve done. I suppose I’ll have to wait until my deathbed to test that theory.

We’ve all been faced with a crossroad in life; that one decision that veered you to the left or right. You know, in your heart of hearts, that if you’d made a different choice at that pivotal moment, your life would be vastly different than it is today. Some people may regret that choice, some people may be oblivious to the fact that they even had a choice, and some people will be satisfied with the choice that they made. And sometimes the choice we’re faced with cannot have a perfect outcome; for instance, when you must choose from the lesser of two evils, as the saying goes. In that instance, regret must also come with a healthy dose of resignation.

Probably my biggest regret in life is not finishing college (*gulp* it’s hard to admit that publicly). But I was faced with one of those lesser of two evils choices years ago. Either give up college (for the time being), or move four states away from the man who is now my husband. I know it is a little cliché, but it is what it is. I’ve often said over the years that I would go back to college and “fix” that little regret, and I do regret that I haven’t done it yet. But, to be honest, I’m glad I have that regret, because I feel it there constantly niggling in the back of my mind and I KNOW that someday that regret is going to push me enough to actually do it. I feel as though if I were the kind of person who didn’t “believe” in regret, college would be the furthest thing from my mind. And that would be a shame, really.

I will admit that there are some regrets that are difficult to bear. The night my mother died, I forgot to tell her “goodnight” and “I love you” before I went to bed. In my memory, before that night I had religiously hugged her and told her goodnight and I love you every night previous to that. The regret that I was wrapped up in my own existence that particular day and forgot to say those precious words stays with me and reminds me often to tell my husband and daughter that I love them. And what if I didn’t have that regret? Would those words mean less to me? I think they would.

And what of the words that have been spoken that have caused people to cut themselves off from my life (another terrible thing to have to admit)? Do I regret those words? Well, I certainly regret the outcome, but again it is one of those lesser of two evils things. Do I say something that I feel absolutely must be said even though the consequence may be the end of a relationship? Or do I not say anything and wait for disaster to strike and be one of the people who stand around shaking their heads and saying, “I knew I should have said something,” or “I knew I should have done something”? A difficult choice to make and a regret that cannot be avoided no matter the way you go. As sad as the outcome is, I do not regret the words because they needed to be said and I can only hope that they were heard.

I will admit that there have been moments in my life when I have gotten wrapped up in regret and that sometimes it has been difficult to take a step back and look at things from an outside perspective. And, to be honest, I feel like those are instances where my regrets have held me back. By focusing too much emotional energy on something that is unchangeable, I allowed myself to stagnate for certain periods of time when I could have been moving forward and growing. And yes, I will ruefully admit that I identify more with the folks wallowing in their regret than the ones who don’t “believe”. But at the same time, I do acknowledge the damaging results that regret can cause if you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to learn and step past the regret. And the reality is that if I hadn’t gone through those difficult points in my life, I would not be the person that I am today.

On the flipside, it is a little ironic that sometimes there are things in life that you think you’ll regret and then you do them and you realize you don’t regret them at all. It’s all part of that growth. And I think it goes back to the idea that in life you will regret the things you haven’t done more than the things you have.

And I will say this: I don’t regret that I have regrets. I’m grateful to have learned from the mistakes I have made and feel I can move forward and be a better person for them.

So my question to you is: Do you believe in regret?

COMMENTARY: Sage Advice

Here is some additional sage advice I've been given over the years. I find that as I try to live life and remember everything I'm supposed to do, pithy phrases and quotations stick well and are easy to recall when necessary:

1. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
2. When all else fails, take a deep, cleansing breath.
3. Always work hard, no matter what the job. Nothing gives you a better reference than a good work ethic.
4. If you treat a person like they are the person they ought to be, they will eventually become a person who deserves to be treated that way.
5. People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.
6. You can have everything in life you want if you'll just help enough other people to get what they want.
7. In marriage, give 100 percent. If you give 100 percent and your spouse gives 100 percent, you'll have a good one. If you both only give 50 percent, it won't be enough to last.
8. Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
9. True victory is not about finishing first; it is about finishing regardless of how many times you fall.
10. There is no failure except in no longer trying.
11. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
12. Watch a sunrise every now and again. It is good for your soul.
13. Remember people's birthdays.
14. Have a firm handshake.
15. Write thank you notes.
16. When someone is relating an important event that's happened to them, don't try to top them with a story of your own. Let them have the stage.
17. Let your children overhear you saying complimentary things about them to other adults.
18. Smile when you answer the phone.

COMMENTARY: What Makes a Good Book "Good"?

So I have a question. What makes a good book “good”? I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately (what with all the spare time I have on my hands these days). And I’ve asked a few people what they think. My 7-year-old daughter thinks that the most important feature of a good book is that it has interesting pictures. She also doesn’t like a book to be boring and wants an exciting story to read. My husband also thinks a book needs to be exciting and have a minimal amount of dialogue. Nothing would bore him to tears faster than the emotional lumberings of an author like Jane Austen (who, by the way, is one of my favorites).

Well, that makes sense for them, I suppose. But why is it that sometimes the most plot-deprived stories are the best books I’ve ever read, and that some of the most exciting storylines are just not that enjoyable to read? And I don’t really need pictures if the author is good at painting them for me with words.

So here is my list of the top six things that make a good book “good” to me:
1. Relatable Characters. I have to be able to relate to the people I’m reading about, at least at some level. I may be able to sympathize with them. I may hate them because they are so awful. Or I may fall in love. But I have to FEEL something about the characters or I just have no interest in reading the book.
2. Use of Language. I really don’t like books that are written at a 4th grade reading level, generally speaking. I want to be challenged by the words in a book. I want to twist my mind through detailed, expressive and complex sentences. If I have to re-read a sentence in a book to really understand it, I don’t look at that as a bad thing. One of the best authors at doing this is Ayn Rand (“Atlas Shrugged” and “The Fountainhead”—two of the best books I’ve ever read). “The Lord of the Rings” Trilogy was also an incredible read for that same reason (not to mention the fact that it was exciting…)
3. Unique Storyline. Nothing I hate more than having a little bit of déjà lu (that feeling that you’ve read this before) when it’s a book you haven’t actually read. That “same old, same old” story just doesn’t do it for me. I want to read about something new and interesting! Give me a character I’ve never seen, a plot that I’m impressed with, or a locale that I’m excited to learn more about. Give me something NEW!
4. How It Makes Me Feel. If I finish a book and I feel like I’ve been left hanging, or if the ending was uselessly sad or upsetting (the book doesn’t necessarily have to have a happy ending, but the ending needs to have some purpose), or if I feel like I’ve just wasted hours of my life on a stupid story, the book will not be on my favorites list. I want to feel good when I finish a book. I want to feel like I got something out of it, like I learned something, or just that it made me happy to have read it.
5. Does It Make Me Think? I will be glad I read any book that can make me think. If you tell me a story and it makes me question my own life, my own existence, you were successful. One of the best books for this was “Life of Pi” by Yann Martel. You read this absolutely incredible tale about a boy who was given a death sentence, which he somehow survives, only to make you question the very core of your own beliefs.
6. Good Title and Interesting Book Cover. So maybe it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things what the name of the book is or what the cover looks like, but if the title is boring, I'm not even going to pick it up. And if the cover is grotesque or disturbing or ordinary, it doesn't make me want to open up the pages to see more. Startle me with a provocative title and I'm much more prone to read you!

So what makes a good book “good” to you?

COMMENTARY: Things I know now that I wish I'd known when I was 18

1. It really doesn’t matter what other people think. Don’t spend your whole life worrying what’s going on in other people’s heads. The most important thing is how you feel about yourself not how others feel about you.
2. Don’t worry about things you can’t do anything about. Sometimes things are just completely beyond your control. Things that you can’t fix or change are not worth stressing about. All worrying does is make you frustrated and depressed and stressed out. It doesn’t fix anything. (This is sometimes a tough one to remember.)
3. If you mess something up, just remember that it’s not brain surgery (unless, of course, you are an actual brain surgeon!) Nobody is going to die just because you screwed up. Things are never as big or bad as you think they are.
4. You are stronger than you think you are.
5. You may be odd, but that’s okay because most people are odd in one way or another.
6. Everyone’s family is co-dependant, narcissistic, psychotic, stupid or weird. It’s really not just your family.
7. Being a parent is even harder than you thought it would be. And you never will really be ready to have a kid. You just have to move forward and be the best parent you can be.
8. Be friends with people that make you feel good. Don’t just be friends with someone because they’re there. A “friend” who is emotionally draining, always negative or only concerned about themselves, is not much of a friend. Sometimes ending a friendship is better than being caught in the vortex of someone else’s whirlpool of negativity.
9. Be a good friend to your good friends.
10. Love yourself. If you can’t love yourself, you won’t have any love to give anybody else.
11. Disregard pretty much everything your parents taught you about health, politics, religion, holidays, education, relationships and parenting. Be the kind of person who finds things out and forms beliefs and opinions on their own.
12. Sometimes just plastering a smile on your face really does make you feel happier.
13. It’s a good thing to be smart.
14. Don’t take your health for granted. Ever. Do everything in your control to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible.
15. It’s unwise to pay too much for something, but it’s worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money. When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you bought was incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do.
16. Never ruin an apology with an excuse.
17. It takes more wisdom to accept advice than to give advice.
18. If you have the option of giving advice or giving assistance, give the assistance.
19. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
20. Learn how to say “I do not know.”
21. Never miss a chance to offer a sincere compliment.
22. Whatever you do, do it the best that you can.
23. The most important thing in communication is the ability to “hear” what isn’t being said.
24. Don’t panic.
25. Admit when you’ve made a mistake. It’s easier to ask forgiveness if you didn’t try to cover it up or fix it by yourself.
26. Forget the Joneses.
27. Give yourself an hour to cool off before responding to someone who has provoked you. If it involves something really important, give yourself overnight.
28. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
29. Respect other people’s time. If you’re going to be more than 10 minutes late, call.
30. Never let your gas tank fall below a quarter full.
31. Live beneath your means.