BOOK REVIEW: "The Grief of Others"

The Grief of Others
By Leah Hager Cohen
Copyright 2011
Riverhead Books
Adult Fiction
5 Bookmarks

Yes! Finally a book I can wholeheartedly recommend! Love it when that happens.

It’s actually a little strange that I liked this book so much. The story is about the Ryrie family that has just suffered the loss of a baby a mere 57 hours after his birth. I usually shy away from any stories dealing with dead babies, mostly because they remind me of my own grief at losing a baby mid-pregnancy many years ago. But it was actually a little cathartic reading this book, which details the way that each member of the Ryrie family deals with the loss in their own, individual way.

The father, John, and the mother, Ricky, have their own issues as a couple that they were avoiding even prior to the pregnancy. The death of the baby brings those issues to the forefront as they try to make sense of their individual places within the relationship. John, who has been somewhat emasculated by the fact that Ricky is the main breadwinner of the family, delves deeper into his work as a set director at a local college in seeking to move past his familial struggles. Ricky holds on to deep-seeded guilt in relation to the baby’s death and reacts in an extremely understandable way to the loss.

The oldest child, Paul, flounders through his day-to-day existence and never quite seems to fit in anywhere at home or at school. The daughter, nicknamed “Biscuit”, sees herself in a much more profound role. She secretly researches death ceremonies of other civilizations as she struggles to make sense of their family’s loss.

And so, as this family drifts further and further apart, will they somehow be able to put their world back together again?

I was truly impressed with the writing style of the author. She had the amazing ability of describing emotional events with enough detachment as to make the reader feel they were outside looking in to a very private experience; like a fly on the wall. The story flowed effortlessly between each character and what was happening for them at that particular moment; what they were thinking, feeling, and acting upon.

Even though the subject matter was obviously sad, the story itself was not. I would recommend this book, even to those who normally don’t like the sad ones. This would be especially great as a book club book. Absolutely beautifully written.

BOOK REVIEW: "Someday This Will Be Funny"

Someday This Will Be Funny
By Lynne Tillman
Copyright 2011
Red Lemonade Publishing
Short Story Collection
1 Bookmark

Normally, I really enjoy short story collections. Especially ones that have a central theme running through them. I had high hopes for this one. It started out with a little vignette called “That’s How Wrong My Love Is” about a woman and her fetish for feeding the mourning doves. Shortly into the story, the reader realizes that the narrator of the story is a little more than fixated by these doves, and by the end of the story we see that that is the reason why she doesn’t have anything else of importance in her life.

Remotely clever read, that one. But the collection didn’t really improve beyond it. Little flirtations between people living a façade, little relationships that ended for no reason at all, little moments that in and of themselves were really not anything to write home about. A few bits and pieces about “the famous” (or “infamous”). Some crazy people thrown in here and there. And really just no rhyme or reason to any of it.

For a book with such a clever title, I certainly found nothing funny in it, nor anything I could imagine would be funny “someday”. Definitely don’t recommend this one.

BOOK REVIEW: "A Hive for the Honeybee"

A Hive for the Honeybee
By Soinbhe Lally
Copyright 1996
Scholastic Press
Adult Fiction
2 Bookmarks

Hummmm.......The hum of a hive of bees was easy to imagine while reading this short novel by Sionbhe Lally.  I was originally not planning to read this book.  I picked it from a 9th Grade reading list for my daughter, but some of the verbiage on the cover led me to think maybe I should read it first.  I'm thinking that was a good idea.

In A Hive for the Honeybee, we meet a couple of newly-born worker bees, Belle and Thora.  The two workers become friends, but their personalities are strongly contrasted.  Belle is a worker and can't imagine anything else other than gathering pollen and honey, and taking care of the drone bees.  Thora dreams of something outside of the hive, although she really has no comprehension of what that something might be.  At the same time, two drone bees named Alfred and Mo, struggle with their own unique roles within the turmoil in the hive after their Queen takes off to form a new hive.  When a new Queen is born, the drones go crazy with desire (stereotypical male behavior).  Many die when mating with the Queen. The remaining drones seem to take it in stride, all except Alfred and Mo who seem to have some sense of what is to come.

The new Queen decides to change things up and lays only worker bee eggs (female) and no drone bee eggs (male).  The Queen and the other worker bees are, apparently, tired of taking care of the drone bees (can you blame them?)  I won't tell you what the end result of that is. Instead, I'll go straight to my opinion:

Although there was some interesting imagery and beautiful language throughout the book, it was really quite dark and fatalistic.  Probably wouldn't recommend it to a 9th grader, and definitely won't be letting my 10-year-old read it.  On the plus side, it was super short and I was able to read the entire thing in just a couple hours.  A low "OK" read.

BOOK REVIEW: "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

How to Win Friends and Influence People
By Dale Carnegie
Copyright 1936
Simon & Schuster
Non-Fiction
5 Bookmarks

I read this classic "how to be a better person" book once when I was in high school.  Somehow it just didn't have the same effect on me back then that it does today.  I could think of a dozen different ways I could use the ideas and suggestions in the book and apply them in my own life. 

As I was reading along, I couldn't believe how many of the bits of advice in this book still apply over 75 years after it was written.  The book is divided into four, easy to understand sections. 

Section One deals with "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, and imparts advice to avoid criticizing other people, appreciate them, and arouse in them "an eager want."  There are a lot of great anecdotes throughout the book, but I appreciated them in this section because it was just getting started.  My favorite was the one about the mom would couldn't get her college student sons to respond to her letters, so the uncle wrote a letter to the boys and added a postscript that he was enclosing $5.  Only he didn't really enclose the $5.  I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.  Good chuckle. 

Section Two deals with "Six Ways to Make People Like You".  Some of the advice in this section was so simple, and yet I know I have not always followed this guidance.  Be interested, smile, remember names, listen, talk about other people's interests and help the other person feel important.  As I was reading this section I thought of numerous instances where I neglected to remember a name, or wanted to talk about something I was doing instead of listening.  Definitely some things we could all be doing better in here!

Section Three focuses on how to "Win People to Your Way of Thinking".  This section lists numerous suggestions, such as don't argue, show respect and admit when you are wrong, with some great ideas on how to avoid confrontation but still share your point of view.  This was my favorite section.  Here's a great quote: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."  A huge part of this section is spent on explaining how to get someone to see your side of things even if they don't want to, which is absolutely something I'd like to know a little more about!

The last section shares some proven guidance for "Being a Great Leader".  Begin with praise, ask questions, use encouragement, etc.  There were a lot of areas in this section of the book that I felt I could really apply to my relationship with my daughter.  Positive reinforcement being a much better tool than yelling and nagging, apparently. 

All in all, I'm really glad I read this book again and would absolutely recommend it to anyone who is looking to improve their relationships with family members, co-workers or clients.  So many great suggestions!

COMMENTARY: Angst and Poetry

I have a fascination with a certain emotion I have often referred to as “angst”. I realize I am not quite using the term correctly, as angst is technically defined as “a feeling of dread, anxiety or anguish”. What I mean when I say angst is more accurately described as some sense of emotional anguish related to darkness, sadness and loves lost or love unreturned.

So now that you know what I mean when I say angst, here are my two cents.

I love reading an entirely angst-ridden story with lots of anguished, unrequited love and painful near-misses, losses and sadness. Nicholas Sparks is the king of this genre of fiction. You’ve seen The Notebook, right? Some of his other notable selections include Message in a Bottle, The Wedding, and Dear John (reviewed here).

When I was a teenager, I was the queen of angst-ridden poetry. I wrote such titles as “The Crier”, “The Pain of Love” and “The Empty Kiss”. I look back on those now and just chuckle. How naïve we are as we walk through those puppy-love years and think every little loss is the end of the world. Some kids aren’t so lucky and do have to deal with real gut-wrenching losses during those formative years (I know this from watching my younger siblings grow up without our mother). But I was lucky and the worst thing that happened to me during those angsty, pre-teen and teen years was having a few boys who didn’t like me nearly so much as I liked them. It was easy for me to feel like that was the end of the world, of course.

My grandfather had instilled a love of poetry in me when I was young. He gave me an old copy of “101 Famous Poems” (copyright 1929) that had been given to him second-hand in 1946. Both the inscription from “Mr. & Mrs. Gustuvke” from 1946 and the inscription from my grandfather in 1985 are still quite visible inside the front cover. This book is one of my most treasured possessions. It contains such greats as “Trees” by Sergeant Joyce Kilmer (“I think that I shall never see/A poem as lovely as a tree”), “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley (“Out of the night that covers me/Black as the Pit from pole to pole/I thank whatever gods may be/For my unconquerable soul”), and “In Flanders Fields” by Lieut.-Col. John McCrae (“In Flanders fields the poppies blow/Between the crosses, row on row”). Some of my favorites.

Having the poetic guidance of that book led me to write many an angst-ridden poem, which was a great outlet during my hormone-laden teen years.

Here’s a little sample:

I wept for you,
And at some distant point
I know why

But for now
The sobs are enough

And the tears fall
And the memories fade
And the pain is strong

But at some distant point
There is sunshine

Hmm……something about reading through those old poems makes me feel a little nostalgic. Perhaps the reason I like books of angst-ridden, unrequited love now is because it reminds me of those times when I was actively stimulating my creative mind on a regular basis by writing. I haven’t written poetry in many, many years. Instead, I’m sure I will continue to fill that little spot in my soul by reading those novels about heart-rending, unrequited love and anguish. Or maybe one of these days I’ll dust off my writing pen and see what I can come up with.

(Painting is a portion of The Scream by Edvard Munch, one of my all-time favorite paintings, for obvious reasons.)

BOOK REVIEW: "Pink Slip"

Pink Slip

By Rita Ciresi

Copyright 1999

Delacorte Press

Adult Fiction

2.5 Bookmarks

I swear this book felt like it was written in the 1980s.  I just looked up the copyright and couldn't believe it's only 13 years old!  The style of the book seemed really old-fashioned.  And it didn't help that some of the mentions in the book (World Trade Center Towers, certain medicines, etc.) seemed so out of touch with today. 

The story begins with Lisa Diodetto deciding she needs a fresh start.  She's tired of her mother trying to marry her off to every eligible bachelor around, and she is very unhappy with her editing job and postage stamp-sized apartment in the city.  So she moves to a smaller town and gets a new job at a pharmaceutical company. 

Lisa doesn't intend to, but ends up in love with her boss (Yes, you are correct.  Uh Oh).  While Lisa is dealing with the secrecy involved in her relationship, she gets some very bad news from her cousin which threatens to end her relationship with the bossman.  Drama ensues. 

Other than the aforementioned oddities related to being able to accurately picture the timeframe of the story, it was a somewhat decent read.  Sort of entertaining, although there wasn't much left up to the imagination.  And, frankly, it just never seemed to really get going for me. 

I really enjoyed one of the author's other books (Remind Me Again Why I Married You, reviewed HERE, which involves the same characters a few years down the road), so it was a bit disappointing that this one seemed so blah.  If you want to meet the characters from the beginning, this is the one to read.  But I do really think this author gets better with age.

BOOK REVIEW: "The Leap"

The Leap: How 3 Simple Changes Can Propel Your Career from Good to Great
By Rick Smith
Copyright 2009
Penguin Group Publishing
Non-Fiction
3 Bookmarks

So I thought I might start the year by trying to give my career a little kick in the pants.  As you know, I work in real estate (shout out to ERA Shields Real Estate, woohoo!) and as I'm sure you also know, real estate has been mired in bad publicity and a bad economy for the past five years.  I wanted to try to get a better handle on sharing the positive side of real estate.  So I looked around for a few good books to help me do that.  The title of this one seemed promising so I picked it up.

I wasn't very far along into the book before I realized that this was just not quite what I was looking for.

The Leap is really more a collection of anecdotes about people who spend a lot of time doing what they HAVE TO do, and then magically find their passion and get to do what they WANT to do for the rest of their lives. 

The "3 Simple Changes" mentioned in the subtitle basically involve finding your passion, finding a big idea to promote your passion, and then executing the big idea.  Sounds simple enough, but the examples listed are so huge, it's overwhelming!  I didn't want a total change to my career, I just wanted to get better at what I'm already doing! 

So the positive things about the book: some of the stories are inspiring.  My favorite was about the gal that cut the feet off her pantyhose and invented Spanx (mostly because Spanx are easily one of the best inventions of the past 100 years--who knew a girl could look like that in a form-fitting dress after giving birth!)  Also, the shrimp fisherman who became the head of a research foundation after his son was diagnosed with a genetic illness.  That was pretty awesome. 

The Leap actually is a pretty good read, but was just a little too grand in scale for what I was really looking for.  Unfortunately, it just didn't seem all that practical, even though the author does try to really press the issue that these people didn't make these changes overnight.  For all of them, it was a process. 

So, this is a recommend if you're looking for some big changes in your life and want some inspiration to get there.  But not so much if you're more the baby-steps kind of person.

SONG OF THE DAY: "New York"

"New York" live on David Letterman, 1/9/2012
by Snow Patrol
Fallen Empires 2012



Because sometimes someone else can say it better than I can.

BOOK REVIEW: "Wolves at the Door"

Wolves at the Door

By Thomas A. Chown

Copyright 2007

Pipers Willow, Inc.

Adult Fiction

1 Bookmark

Man, am I getting tired of these low scoring reviews.  I'm ready to read a five again, I tell ya. 

Shockingly, I have (once again) started a book that I DID NOT FINISH.  I simply couldn't. 

This book was supposed to be a historical novel about a family who settles in Kansas and Colorado during the 1800s. 

The book starts out with Henry Devon fighting in a battle of the Civil War.  It cuts to snippets of his life with his family who came out west to take advantage of Uncle Sam's kind offer of free land in Kansas, but the author spent plenty of time recounting numerous gruesome things that, I'm sure, actually occurred (although it really is my preference NOT to read about them).  After those first gory pages, I wasn't sure I wanted to keep reading, but of course I did. 

So the story progresses with Henry and his family doing what they need to survive there in the wilderness of Kansas.  When the author then moved on to Henry and his wife recalling the death of their first child, I got a little knot in my stomach.  I don't do well with dead kids.  Just one of those things.  And again, I wasn't sure I wanted to keep reading, but of course I did.

So there I am then, on page 40 (yes, a mere 40 pages into this disasterous book), when the family ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time and their youngest son has his spinal cord severed.  Really?  I don't do well with dead kids and I don't do well with gonna-be-dead-soon kids.  I closed the book and didn't open it again.

Really, that wasn't the only reason I put down the book.  I had a serious problem with the headers in the book.  The publisher actually used the same font (and text size) for the headers as they did for the body of the book (why would somebody do that?)  A little OCD maybe?  Yes.  But every time I turned the page, I read "Bleeding Kansas" at the top of the page before my eyes would go back down to the text where they belonged and finish the sentence I had been reading.  I found it highly, highly annoying. 

So yeah.  Unless you like the roughest side of the Old West, and dead kids, don't read this one. 

BOOK REVIEW: "A Sister's Secret"

A Sister's Secret

By Wanda E. Brunstetter

Copyright 2007

Barbour Publishing, Inc.

Adult Fiction

2 Bookmarks

I have a thing for the Amish.  No, really.  I do!  I find all plain-clothed religions just simply fascinating.  Mostly because I just couldn't imagine adhering to those types of strict rules by choice.  But anyway, on to the book.

So I picked it up because of my fascination with the Amish, but it ended up being an intriguing little story. 

Grace Hostettler has been home from her rumschpringe (her running-around years) for four years and has joined the Amish faith.  But when someone from her past shows up in town, Grace fears the secret she has been keeping hidden for four years will come out, possibly ruining her future with the Amish man she is soon to marry. 

A side story transpires while Grace is dealing with her issue.  The side story involves mysterious vandalism that keeps occuring at the Hostettler home.  Grace is concerned the person from her past is behind the vandalism, but there is no way to prove it.  A few other suspects are mentioned, but as Grace is finally forced to face her past and find her way toward a future with her new Amish husband, the book ends. 

I turned the last page back and forth a couple times just to make sure I hadn't missed anything.  Really?  After thefts, an explosion, a dog tortured, another dog killed, a clothesline cut, and finally a house nearly burned to the ground, there was NO RESOLUTION to the vandalism sidebar to the story. 

Knocked off a whole bookmark for that lame mistake on the part of the author. 

BOOK REVIEW: "Five-Star Families: Moving Yours from Good to Great"

Five-Star Families:

Moving Yours from Good to Great

By Carol Kuykendall

Copyright 2005

Fleming H. Revell Publishing

Non-Fiction

1 Bookmark

Have you ever thought your family was pretty good but you'd really like it if they were "great"?  I saw the title of this book and wondered what some author might say about taking your family from "good" to "great". 

But wow.  What a disappointment. 

I think the author had the grandest of intentions when writing this book; i.e. help others do what needs to be done to have a "five-star family."  But her effort falls woefully short.  Instead, she merely points out the things she now thinks she did wrong and touts the things she thinks she did well.  She has really no expertise in this area, other than being the mother of three children that somehow managed to reach adulthood without landing in juvenile hall.  Oh, and she has a bachelor's degree in journalism. 

So many things irked me while reading this book. Seriously too many to list.  But the biggest one was the author's assumption that a family consists of two parents and numerous children.  I felt like so little of the book applied to my life (with my little family of mom, dad and one, lone child), that it was nearly a complete waste of my time to read it.  Over half the book seemed to be devoted to getting siblings not to fight with each other.  The other half seemed to be devoted to getting the siblings to stand up for each other against "the rest of the world."  I can't imagine someone living in a non-traditional household (one parent and kids, or grandparents raising kids, etc.), finding this a useful book either.

The one bright side to the book is that she did actually list five qualities that she thinks all families should have:  Love, Fun, Loyalty, Growth and Faith.  Although probably not the five qualities I would have listed were I to write a book of the same title (hmmmmm.....let's see.....if I had to list five right now I would say love, patience, forgiveness, devotion and......kindness).

Frankly, I was really disappointed that there wasn't anything more to this book than "This is what I did and it worked for me so you should do it too!" 

BOOK REVIEW: "Menu for Romance"

Menu for Romance
By Kaye Dacus
Copyright 2009
Barbour Publishing, Inc.
Adult Fiction
3 Bookmarks

So I'm a sucker for a good unrequited love story.  This one seemed to have all the makings of a juicy story right up my alley. 

Professional caterer Meredith is secretly in love with her head chef, Major.  Only she doesn't tell him because he's never even hinted that he was interested in letting anyone into his life.  Major has a "problem" mother that he doesn't want anyone to know about so he keeps to himself and doesn't get involved. 

When Meredith decides to try dating someone else so she can move forward with her life, Major realizes what a huge mistake he has made by not telling her that he, too, is in love with her.  But now it's too late.

The author does a great job introducing the characters and getting the reader emotionally involved in the outcome of the story.  The author brings a lot of religion into the story, which isn't usually my favorite thing, but she does it in a tasteful manner that is not overly evangelical.

I'd recommend this to anyone who wants a light, quick read.  I loved the John Wayne references and appreciated the fact that there wasn't any gratuitous sex in the book (obviously due to the Christian background of the author).

BOOK REVIEW: "This Side of Paradise"

This Side of Paradise
By F. Scott Fitzgerald
Copyright 1996
Barnes & Noble, Inc.
Adult Fiction
2.5 Bookmarks

So I had worked my way completely through my stack of library books and had to resort to my own bookshelves for a book to read.  I saw This Side of Paradise, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and realized I hadn't read it in a really long time.  So long, in fact, that I couldn't really remember what it was about.  So I pulled it off the shelf and started reading.

This is the story of Amory Blaine, a privileged youth making his way into adulthood.  The story follows Amory through his college days, a trip to "the war", and aimless wanderings through the world as he tries to find his way.  It is by the same author as The Great Gatsby, and the story followings a similar, meandering track as that classic. 

There were some parts of the book that were interesting, especially when Amory discovers a girl he likes.  But when that little flirtation ends badly, Amory turns into a sort of purposeless person and ends up in a lot of strange situations that don't really make him any better for it. 

I suppose my biggest criticism of the book is just the constant wandering of the story without rhyme or reason as to WHY.  Of course Fitzgerald is a "good" writer, and I never felt the desire to set the book down, but it's just not a good enough book for me to want to pull it off that shelf again anytime soon. 

COMMENTARY: "2012--Here We Come!"

Well, 2011 has drawn to a close…..finally! It’s been a rough year with health issues, surgeries, family concerns, work stress, school stress and everything in between, but I survived. And I’m now looking forward to the new adventures coming in 2012.

There’s something rather cathartic about these New Beginnings we are lucky enough to experience on the first day of January every year; a fresh start, a clean slate, a renewal of life. There are times when the day-to-day stresses are so overwhelming that they smother any ability to see the big picture of life. These New Beginnings are, in a way, an apology from life for the crap we’ve had to deal with every day. Sometimes just being able to take a deep breath and let go of the tough times and the sad times and the mistakes we’ve made is a necessary step in moving forward and progressing as human beings.

If there were no clean slates, we would be constantly bogged down by those negative experiences and life would surely become an extremely unpleasant undertaking.

I did two small activities this year that made me realize just how stuck I’ve been in that negative mindset. First, every day during the month of November, I posted on my Facebook status something I’m thankful for. You’d think that would be a pretty easy task, but it was not. There were days I really had to reach into the depths of my brain to find something “good” to say. I realized that forcing myself to see the good in life when I sure didn’t think there was any actually did make the day better. So, in December, I decided to keep the good thoughts coming and I posted one of my “favorite things” every day. Those days when I felt stumped trying to think of something to say made me realize I need to have more favorite things in my life.

But really, the thing that made it so apparently obvious that I need to be more positive, was a gift my daughter gave me for Christmas. She called it an “Optimism Box”. In reality, it was just a simple Kleenex box on which she had written in marker a message on each side: “If you are stressed, just be optimistic”, “Sometimes it’s good to be optimistic”, “Don’t worry, be optimistic”. On top she had written “The Optimism Eater” and inside the box she had several little notes including “If black cats were bad luck…I wouldn’t be alive. So proves they are not!” and my favorite: “Bear hugs are good….just not from a bear.” (Okay, so she may not have the exact definition of optimism down, but I got her point). Opening that gift, I laughed until I cried. Partially from overwhelming love at my sweet little kid who noticed I had a tough time this year and was trying to make things better. And partially from sadness that my sweet little kid was obviously affected by my reactions to life.

So as 2012 peaks his squeaky clean little head around the corner, I will be making a concerted effort to bring the positive around me. To show my little mini-me that life is good and that happiness is free. So if you catch me being a complainer this year, just give me a smile and quick reminder, “Don’t worry, be optimistic!”

SONG OF THE DAY: "Color on the Walls (Don't Stop)"

My new favorite band: Foster the People
"Color on the Walls (Don't Stop)"